I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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