did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
