I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
