The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
