when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
