i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
