He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
