he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
