I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You ruined the universe
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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