Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
