So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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