If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
