He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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