I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
