NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
pray to the hookup gods
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
