I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
