Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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