okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
