thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize