What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
