I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
