he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
