Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
