We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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