My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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