I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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