omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Randomize
