i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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