I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
