I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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