You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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