dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
