I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
