Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
