she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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