My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
