found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
