So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
