She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
