dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize