I just saw a hot homeless man
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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