my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
