He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
