last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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