yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
