How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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