How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
