we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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