I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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