i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
