My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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