Please, let me fuck your mom
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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