i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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