Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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