ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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