Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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