I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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