Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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