You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
