im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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