my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
