if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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