If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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