His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I pour the whiskey from now on
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
