what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
