I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
