the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
