you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
