Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
sex in a hospital.. check
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
