I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
