i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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