Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
