If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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